Birthday Celebration in Pictures...

Happy Birthday!

What is it about a birthday that just makes the whole day seem brighter? Today at 11:59am I turned 23 years old! Wow, where did the time go? Seriously!? While I don't always feel like I do a lot, I decided today to reflect on what I have done in my life. I graduated from high school with honors, I am a recent college graduate. As of July 1, 2010 I am a Registered Nurse. I am a daughter, a sister (older & younger), I am an auntie, a godmother, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend, and my favorite a child of God! While at times I question, what am I doing with my life? Where am I going? Today I will chose to think about all of the wonderful things that have happened in my life because it is so much better than looking at all the bad.

23 years ago I was born during the worst snow blizzard of the year! It was so bad that I was on the news! The headline "Although the mailman couldn't make it, the stork still could!" I love winter time and snow, this may have something to due with being a December baby. I also love this time of year where people are happier, they go out of their way to be nice to others that they wouldn't normally be nice to. I love Christmas music too! I love looking at all the Christmas lights and even the busyness of the stores. I love Christmas shopping and just watching how people get so excited because they get to give their loved ones something wonderful.

Although Jesus was probably not actually born on what we call Christmas day, I still love celebrating His birth! It is so much more than just a story of a baby in a manger! The Son of God came down to earth, to live as a man. He did this for you and me, because He loves us so much! Jesus knew He would die a painful death on the cross and be hated and persecuted by many but His love was so much greater than all that! Father, thank-you for sending your precious Son, Jesus to do what I could never do!

For my birthday my mother bought me this beautiful luggage, it is blue with pink Polk a dots! I simply love it! And I bet I won't have to worry about anyone having the same luggage as me! I desire to travel and see the world! I hope one day this will bring me to Africa, my dream is to bring the Good news to those there and help them practically with my nursing skills. Here is a picture of my luggage so you can enjoy it with me!

Somewhere between a rock and a hard place.....

I always found that to be an odd saying but lately I have felt like I live it. I have had to have some tough conversations lately with some people I really care about. I prayed heavily about the decisions I knew had to be made and trusted God that everything will be alright.

I have not been happy with my current living situation. (i.e. my roommates). It's not that I don't like my roommates because I do, they are all my friends and I don't want to lose that friendship but I knew that if I continued with the way things were going that friendship might be forever lost. I currently live with 3 other girls in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I share a room with my best friend Katie and we are great, no problems there. In fact we are most likely going to get a different apartment together when our current lease is up in May. The other two girls Abigail and Sarah share a room. Again let me stress I still care about these girls and value their friendship very much, I just can't live with them. I feel like I can't be me and that is a HUGE problem. I need to be free to invite friends over, talk about whatever I want to talk about and do what I want in the place where I live. Last Sunday night we had a roommate talk, there were tears and feelings were hurt. It was so hard but I knew I had to do it. I never want to have to go through that again. I am trusting in God to bring healing and peace to those relationships.

The other tough decision was related to the ministry that I am involved in. Campus ministry is the college ministry at Marian University. I was very actively involved in it though out my 4 years as a student at Marian, I was the vice-president my junior and senior year. I loved this ministry and it was my way of sharing my faith with others. Recently there have been a lot of battles with this ministry and my friend and I who are also working with Campus Crusade for Christ felt the need to step away from Campus ministry. It is so hard to let go of something I have held so dear to me. Campus Ministry is where I met my college friends and holds all my fondest memories of college. So in my stubbornness, I said no to God, I said you must be joking, how can I still witness to others and be effective for Your kingdom if I say goodbye to Campus Ministry. God reminded my that my ways are not His ways and that He really does know best. Next semester things will look different at how I reach out to students at Marian but I will still be reaching out to them. I am not walking away from my "mission field." Even though I graduated last May, I still feel like God has placed me here for this time to be a witness to the lost at Marian.

So basically what I am saying is that life has been rough lately and I am really looking forward to sometimes of refreshment. I am trusting and waiting for the next move.

Be still

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Sounds easy right? Wrong! Lately I feel like God has called me to just be still, just quiet my heart and listen to Him. It seems like it should be so easy....but I'm finding it to be sooo hard! I tell myself, "ok, I'm just going to sit here and be quiet and listen to whatever God wants to speak to me." That lasts for about 30 seconds if I'm lucky because I than find my mind think about something else...I couldn't even keep my focus for 30 seconds! Than I tell myself to think about nothing but than I am thinking about thinking about nothing! How I long to just be still before God....It's a good thing that God is patient because it is taking me a long time to learn how to be still!

Waiting on Him

Do you ever feel second best? Like your not good enough for people? No matter how much you try and try and try, it doesn't matter you simply fall short and aren't good enough. Do you ever feel like you are only good enough when you are with some one more "popular" ? When you are not with certain people than other people don't find you good enough to even talk to. Do you ever just wish that someone would notice you and just you?

I know that God loves me and cares for me. I also know that I have family and friends who love and care about me. So why does it matter so much that some people don't like me? Or that I don't have as many friends as I would like? As a child of God, I should be concerned with only one thing, and that one thing is God! He has the only opinion that should matter, right? So than why is it so hard when I see people around me flourishing and having tons of friends? I should be happy for them, right? I hate the flesh, why do I let it get to me? Sometimes I think we give in to our emotions and get too carried away with them. I'm trying not to let the opinions of this world get to me.....but it's not as easy as it sounds.

Again, I know that God has a plan for my life and whatever it is will be better than I could ever dream of. But how long do I have to wait? When will something amazing happen to me? (I'm starting to sound selfish again). Lately in my prayer life I have been throwing a lot of why questions at God, most of the time I don't even wait for Him to respond.....But he wants to. He longs to. I am His daughter, I need to listen to and respect my Father. Last night my prayer time went a little differently....instead of hurling a bunch of why questions at God, I thanked Him for what He has given me so far and just cried out to my Father who is always listening. And I listened for His response. Lets just say, I did a lot of apologizing and am allowing God to work on my broken heart. I know He never said it would be easy, but He did say I would never have to go alone.

Nephews

This little boy turned 3 years old

He loves Thomas the Train and his little brother!

Time

My cousin decided to end her life on thursday, I am completely shocked by the news. I had no idea things had gotten so bad for her. I will miss her, I played with her when we were younger because our dads are close. It really made me sad to think that life could be so bad that you think the only way out is to take your own life. It also reminded me of just how important it is to share the Gospel with people I love. (and those I don't know as well). We never know when it will be our time to go or our loved ones. We need to seize every opportunity we have to tell others about Jesus! I know that I have always known this but circumstances like this just remind you all the more.

Here is a verse that a friend shared with me today that was comforting:

Isaiah 55: 8-9 " My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts" says the LORD, " And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

I do not have all the answers nor do I claim to but I know who does, that person is God. I can not even begin to comprehend all that He does but I trust in Him. I know that He loves me and desires what is best for me and all His children.

I will miss you Anna Young.

Fall

Here are a few reasons why I love fall......


frolicking in the park!



Picnics in the park!

Jumping in the leaves!

And Carmel Apples!!

By The Power of Your Name By Lincoln Brewster

Surely children weren't made for the streets

And fathers were not made to leave

Surely this isn't how it should be

Let Your Kingdom come

Surely nations were not made for war

Or the broken meant to be ignored

Surely this just can't be what You saw

Let Your Kingdom come

Here in my heart

And I will live

To carry on compassion

To love a world that's broken

To be Your hands and feet

I will give

With the life that I've been given

And go beyond religion

To see your world be changed

By the power of Your name

Surely life wasn't made to regret

And the lost were not made to forget

Surely faith without action is dead

Let Your Kingdom come

Lord break this heart

Your name

Is a shelter for the hurting

Jesus Your name

Is a refuge for the weak

Only Your name

Can redeem the undeserving

Jesus Your name

Holds everything I need

Surely children weren't made for the streets

And fathers were not made to leave

Surely this isn't how it should be

Addison Road - What Do I Know Of Holy w/Lyrics

I heard a really great song tonight and just wanted to share it....take a listen to it for yourself! Just click below to listen

Addison Road - What Do I Know Of Holy w/Lyrics

Hope you enjoy the above song as much as I do!

Update on my life

Life has been crazy lately, my work schedule has been changing on a regular basis and I'm learning to just go with it.....I worked my first double shift (16hours!) a few weeks ago and that was totally crazy, I have added shifts here and there and lost them as well. I am really starting to enjoy my job, I think, It seems like every time I admit that I like my job something terrible at work happens and than the cycle starts over and I dread going to work! I am trying to gain a new attitude towards work and see every day as a new day and not let yesterdays troubles ruin my new day!

I am really enjoying being able to help out with the college ministry here and God is showing me so much through it all, for example...I need to let go of my plans, God's plans are not my plans, His are even better! (see Jeremiah 29:11) Sometimes its difficult to see this right away but I know that with everything that happens God is teaching me something new through the situation. A great example of this is Bible study, I have this picture perfect idea of what it looks like and how it will go...to put it simply, Bible study is going nothing how I think it should go. To me it's like a sinking ship and I don't know whether I should try to save it or just build a new ship. I have recently had an encouraging conversation with someone who knows a lot about Bible studies and ministry. He laughed when we told about what was going on and encouraged us that it was ok, that it was good that we were taking risks.

Sometimes I am just so focused on what I need to do to reach others, to bring others to God that I forget the most important part....letting GOD work! I am just a vessel for God to use and it is silly for me to try to reach people for God without God's help! I am thankful that God is so patient with me because I almost always have to learn things the hard, long, painful way.

I am very much looking forward to what God had for my future but for now I am going to try to slow down and enjoy what God has for me today, if we are always looking to the future, we are missing out on what He has for us today!

CRU

I don't know where to start with this post so I will start with the verse that I just read and go from there

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, thought there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habbakkuk 3:17-18

Lately I feel like this verse, I feel like nothing is being produced and I am empty handed but through all of this I will still praise God. I have been working with some others to get a christian group on campus called Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU), the mission of this group is to bring the gospel within arms reach of every student. Marian University desperately needs to hear the gospel! Spiritually speaking, the campus is dead, yes there are some believers here and there but the majority of the campus is living for the world.

Yes, I did graduate from Marian last summer but I still care about the campus and the spiritual well being of its students. I want to see Marian transformed into a place where everyone has a chance to have a personal relationship with Jesus! I want others to experience new life! I have been praying and working with others to make this dream a possibility. Yesterday, the possibility of having CRU at Marian was shot down for the time being anyways. The one person's approval we needed to go ahead with this said no. It can be so frustrating when you are working for something that will further the kingdom of God and it is shot down. I am not giving up, I know God wants His presence known on this campus, it just might not happen the way I envisioned it. God knows best so I just need to trust in Him and His perfect plan.

He costs everything.....He is worth the price

"The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it." Matthew 13:45-46

I have been learning a lot these past few weeks and it is all good stuff! I just finished reading a really good book that I borrowed from a friend and it really inspired me and helped me to grow in my faith. The book is And the bride wore white by Dannah Gresh, one of my favorite chapters in the book was about the above verse. I want to share with you a little from the chapter:

          "We just don't 'get' the value of pearls since we live in a culture that creates them. Jesus lived in a    culture that knew their true value. Did you know that when He was on earth the only way to find a pearl was to dive into the ocean and find mollusks...not one but thousands. In fact, a man had to open up to 15,000 mollusks to find just one pearl, and it may or may not have been one of great value. How many did he have to pry open to find that precious pearl of great value? So rare was the valuable pearl that often a man did have to sell all that he had--his land, his livestock, his servants, his home--to have enough to buy just one pearl of great value. I wonder if we're willing to pursue Christ with such passion?"

Running

In high school I was on the cross country team and ran long distance in track. I really like running, it made me feel so good to finish a big race I also loved the feeling you got after a really hard work out. The feeling where you can barely move and everything hurts, I liked this feeling a lot because it meant I had actually done something, I pushed myself hard. Since high school I haven't run that much and I really miss it so I decided to buy some new running shoes to motivate me to get back out there and run, run, run!

Running is a lot like the Christian life. When you run, you need to work at it daily or you will never get better, the same is true in the Christian life, you need to daily read the Bible, (the instruction manual on life) and meet with God in order to grow in your relationship with Him. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the game goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." We need to go through strict training, we need to take our Christian life seriously or no one will take us seriously when we witness to them. Do not run aimlessly in your Christian life, but run with a purpose, glorify God and share Him with others! You can't just go to sleep one night and expect to wake up the next day and be an amazing marathon runner, so it is true with Christianity. Developing your relationship with God takes time, it won't happen over night. So we must daily 'train' if we want to grow and be what God wants us to be. 

 Hebrews 12:1-2 says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." When you run, you want to be light and free, you don't want to be weighed down by bulky clothing and heavy weights. So in the Christian life we to must get rid of weights like sin. And how do we do that? I believe that is found in verse two, 'fix our eyes on Jesus.' When our eyes are fixed on Jesus, it is impossible to sin. We need to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on Jesus! When our eyes are on ourselves, that is when we become selfish and sin creeps into our lives but if you are focused on Jesus; on loving Him and serving Him, it is not possible to sin. If you don't believe me try it, focus on Jesus, love Him, serve Him, listen to Him....is there any room or desire to sin while you are doing this?

Do Not Worry

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
~Matthew 6:25-34~

God's word is so amazing! He knows exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. I found myself worrying about money earlier today, you see I currently don't have insurance because I graduated from college and my insurance from my job doesn't kick in until October 1st and I recently had some health issues which racked up some major costs. Thankfully I have enough money to pay for it and it won't leave me broke. But it did make me think, think about trusting God. I have read the above passage many, many, many times and always thought well of course I trust God, of course He will provide for me, it's what He does and I took this for granted. Tonight when I read the above passage, I read it with a heart of thanksgiving, of gratefulness, what a loving God we have who will meet all our needs! I am so grateful that I don't have to worry about tomorrow, I know my God will take care of me, whatever tomorrow holds. Instead of spending my time worrying about finances, my job, my health, etc. I want to follow what it says in verse 33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness....." What does that mean? Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness? To me it means that I will look to God in everything. The word first stands out to me, it doesn't say second or third but FIRST! We must seek Him. My God is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides. And He was provided, more than I could ever imagine. I am so blessed to have a wonderful place to live, a job, friends, family and the list goes on. I encourage you to think about all God has provided for you and thank Him for it! What father out there doesn't want to provide for his child? He has so much for us, we just need to seek Him!

I am so past worrying, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" If anything worrying steals our time, it causes us to not trust and to question our faith. Nothing positive ever comes out of worrying. God knows everything before it happens, He promises to never leave or forsake you. My friends please don't worry, instead pray, look to God because He will provide!

Friendship

This Saturday I went to Mishicot to hang out with some of my amazing friends. We went to the beach and ate bagels and just relaxed and shared what was going on in our lives. We talked about crazy times at work, school. God and much more. It was just what I needed. A day to get away and not think about anything but just enjoy life! And you know what!? I did! I am still adjusting to my new job and new apartment. My roommates will be moving in at the end of the month and I can not wait! I love being around people. I am so excited to see what God will bring this year and how He will provide a way through it all.

 This is Katie, I consider her my best friend. She knows just about every thing about me. We met at youth group about 8 years ago, although at the time I was friends with her older sister and she was friends with my younger sister. We ended up at the same college and our life stories/goals are similar. We both want to be missionary nurses. We are roommates who always get along and we are like sisters. She is such an encouragement to me and I can only hope that I am to her as well. And yes, we do love corn fields!

Thank you friends for such an amazing day!

A few words on Character

 Character as defined in the dictionary as the set of qualities that make somebody or something distinctive, especially somebody's qualities of mind and feeling. Character is who you are when no one is looking. I have been meditating on that last line all week. At church on Sunday we talked about character and that line really stuck with me. All week when I want to take a short cut that line comes to mind, character is who you are when no one is around. I have really been challenged this week, who am I when no one is looking? How is my character? God is always with us and knows everything we do....would He be pleased with what you are doing? Who are you when no one is looking?

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Wow, do you ever find a song that totally relates to what you are going through? Tonight, this song is everything I feel and it just hit me as I sat on my bed and just cried out to God. Why is it that sometimes we need to be told something like a thousand times before we go, "oh, I get it!" When everything seems to be going so wrong God is still there loving me, He is always by my side. I have heard this song so many times before but tonight it took on a whole new meaning for me. I need to stop looking for other people to love me and just look to God because He does love me and will never let me go! In a way I have insulted God, (it was really hard to admit this and harder yet to type it!) I have said in my heart God you are not enough and I need more, more than You...wow that must have hurt God a lot. God's love is ALL I need, it is more than enough and way more than I deserve!

 I'm not sure what God is going to do with life and where I will end up but I do know that God's love will get me through anything and everything. So God, I am sorry for looking for love in all the wrong places and I give you all of me. I know You won't relent until You have it all, so I'm giving it all to You.

Walking with God

I was reflecting on my walk with God today and realized something, I don't always walk with Him. Actually most of the time I am either running ahead of Him or lagging behind. Sometimes I leap into something because I think it is what He has for me and I don't even think to pray and ask if this is right. I just run ahead and than I am frustrated because I feel lost because I tried to get ahead and go the way I though was right. Other times I lag behind, I know what He wants me to do and I don't want to do it due to fear, selfishness, pride, and the list could go on and on.

For the first time this summer I have really felt the peace of God, the peace that you know comes from Him because there is no way you could manufacture this peace by yourself. It is so amazing, there are no words to describe how good it is to know that you are walking side by side with the Creator of the universe! That He cares enough to take my hand and lead me through life. That if I fall, He is there to pick me up and set me on my feet again.

I know that God has led me to the place where I live and work and I am so excited to see how He will use it for His glory because right now that is all that I want. He has done so much for me and will continue to do many more amazing things in my life that I just want to do something for Him. I want to serve Him everyday. I know I can never "pay Him back" for all He has done for me but I desire more than ever to serve Him and use my life to give Him glory and praise.

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way." 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Valerie Young RN BSN

That's right! I am officially a Registered Nurse! I passed the NCLEX, no more studying endless hours and worrying about taking the test, it is all over and I can breathe once again! I have been training at my new job this past week and now have a 3 day weekend! Wednesday I went to lifest and saw some great bands and hung out with some great friends! Friday I had lunch with Liz and Alexa. We talked about starting a women's bible study which really excited me! I miss going to Bible study! Tomorrow I am going to lifest again and than seeing some old friends.

Waiting

Well I took the NCLEX today.... I had 75 questions which is the least amount that you can get, 265 is the most. I have no idea how I did, I pray that I passed.I will get my official results in one month but in a few days I will have my unofficial results....The wait is on,,,,,,,

Yesterday I went with my friend Maria to stay at my friend Leah's house. It was so good to see both of these women, they are so devoted to God, it makes them so beautiful! I am so blessed to have such great friends. Today after the test I got to have dinner with two more special lady's; Jacque and Heather. It was such a blessing to see all four women in 2 days!

Moving & Change once again!

I moved once again today but now it was to my apartment because I got a job as a RN!!!! I will have the apartment all to myself for a month and a half until my other 3 roommate arrive. I am excited to live with them but for now I will enjoy the alone time.....although I need people to interact with frequently!! So we will see how that goes! I start orientation tomorrow at the Rehab Center where I will be working. God has blessed me with finding a job that is less than 10 minutes away from my apartment! I am so excited to begin my nursing career, all I have left to do is pass the BIG test, which is the most important part! I take my test on Thursday, I have been studying hard and praying so I hope I pass on the first try!

As for moving......Let's just say my room is full of boxes and bags that need to be unpacked!!

Good news and Bad news

Well I guess I will start out with the bad news so I can end on a good note. Last friday at work I was informed that due to the slow economy and a lot of our shipments being held up in China that all college help would be cut from 40 hours to 32 hours, this means instead of working mon-fri, I only work tues-fri. Most of the college help was excited to have a day off but not me....I need to work because I need to pay back student loans!!!

The good news is I got a call today from a Rehab center asking me if I wanted to interview for a RN postion. I would most likely work the PM shift. I am so excited....I've applied to just under 100 jobs and finally something! I am so looking foward to tuesday so please pray for my interview that if this is God's will for me that I would get the job! See I told you the good news would be good!!

Your Everything by Lifehouse

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? Cause You're all I want, You're all I need, You're everything, everthing


Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Love

Love.....why is it that it is just so easy to love some people and others it seems nearly impossible? Love can be so complicated yet so simple. I don't know if I will ever fully grasp the concept of love. I know we are called by God to love everyone, even those who hurt us (we are called to love our enemies).

My concept of love has been messed up most of my life, I always thought it was something that you had to work towards, something that could be earned. But real love, true love can not be earned.

I grew up in a broken family, I have hardly any memories of my family being happy and lovey dovey like TV shows make family's appear. My parents were always fighting, and when they weren't fighting it was because they weren't talking. My parents divorced when I was in 4th grade, so my parents have been split up for most of my life. When parents get divorced, the children are forced to grow up fast because both parents are now working and you and your siblings have to take care of each other. My dad remarried when I was 16 and my mom has had a serious relationship with a guy since a I was 19. 

My family is not the kind of family that says "I love you." In fact I don't remember the last time I said "I love you" to anyone in my family or they said it to me. I am sure that we all love each other, I guess we just don't have a normal expression of this love. At least I hope we all love each other.

Most of the time when I am at either of my parents house, I feel like I'm just in the way. Like I'm a burden to them. It is extremely hard being the only Christian in your family. It makes loving them even harder because they don't always understand where I am coming from.

I want to love, I just don't know if I know how...... What I do know about love comes from God, He gave up His only Son so that I may have everlasting life! Jesus died for me and that is pretty romantic....I don't know of anyone else who would suffer and die the way He did for someone like me. Knowing that I would let Him down time after time and never be able to love Him the way He loves me. I am so thankful that He does love me, and you know what the best part is? He loves me for me! I don't have to try to be someone I'm not, I don't have to have perfect grades, the best job, the best clothes....I can just be me...the real me...and He LOVES me for that!

I was recently talking to a sister-in-Christ about how God sees us. He sees us as spotless, perfect, without blemish.....all because His Son died and took my place on that cross. Since I have repented of my sins and excepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour of my life, he sees me as clean, perfect and lovable. Wow, it is just mind blowing when I think of all the wrongs I have done, I wasn't as nice to her as I should have been, I said something mean to him, I was rude.....and the list can go on and on.......His love for me doesn't change, He will always love me!

Wow, so this blog got a little long and kind of jumped from thought to thought......I hope you were able to follow and grasp something out of this jumble of words if nothing else please know that God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you....all you have to do is ask, He is standing there with arms wide open just waiting for you to run into His arms.

Sick

So for the past 2 weeks I have been looking foward to today because my entire extended family goes up north to my Aunt and Uncles cottage on a small lake. It is so much fun to see everyone and the food is so delicious! It's fun to sit outside and chat with everyone I haven't seen since Christmas (most likely).

My family has been taking turns getting sick and yesterday was the begining of my turn. I spent the day going from the couch to the bed. I couldn't keep anything down. I was hoping to sleep it off yesterday but today was even worse! I had a fever of 100.2, runny nose, vomiting, headache and extreme fatigue. My fever didn't begin breaking until about an hour ago where it is now holding steady in the 99s. This is not the way I planned on spending memorial day weekend! I just hope I am better by tuesday when I am suppose to go back to work!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Summer is here and its busier than ever!! I have scheduled my NCLEX test for July 1st. This means I have a month to study, study, study!! It is so hard to study when I know it's summer and school is over, but I just need to make it through the next month!! I am working 40 hours a week so I am also tired and don't feel like studying and than you throw in trying to have a social life and there just seems to be too few hours in a day!

Monday night I had a meeting concerning reaching the lost college students in the area where I live. We are working on a program called "cru." I am so excited as we discuss ministry opportunities, it is so exciting to see what the Lord is going to do through this. I a few years ago I was doing it all on my own, now I have a small team of 5 people working to make this happen. It is awesome how the group keeps growing!!

Tomorrow I am going to a graduation party, having something to look foward to at the end of the week always makes it go faster. Also monday is memorial day so that means no work and on Sunday my family goes up north to my aunt and uncles cottage. It is on a small lake and so fun to get the whole family together!

Dreams

While moving I found a paper I wrote in 8th grade about what my life would be like when I was 30, it was an assignment for my language arts class. I still have 8 years before I'm 30 but so much of my dreams and what I thought life would be like has changed. In my paper I wrote that I would be an assistant veterinarian who graduated from UW Madison. I was also married with 3 children and living in my hometown. I also said I was going back to school to become a vet.

When I entered high school my dream changed, my sophomore year I decided that I didn't really like animals as much as I once had and I wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to help people because I care so much about people. Also around this time my grandpa was diagnosed with colon cancer, he spent the next 4 years in and out of hospitals, it was through that experience that confirmed that I wanted to be a nurse. I saw how much the good nurses impacted him and my family and I also so how a bad nurse can change everything. I wanted to be one of the good nurses who made a difference in the life of others. At this point in my life I thought I would go to Bellin College of Nursing and go back to hometown to live and work as a RN in the local hospital.

My parents got married right out of high school and so did my brother so naturally I assumed that this would be the case in my life too. Well friends, I am 22 and a college graduate and have yet to date anyone or ever be in love.

Another majore event happened when I was a sophomore in high school, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. This was something that totally changed my life! (I will write more about this in a later post)

I never went to Bellin College of Nursing, I ended up going to Marian University. My sophomore year of college the dream once again changed. This time it was God calling me to a different path than the one I had for myself and I decided to listen. That year I felt a call towards missions in my life. I also decided to stop looking for my own dreams to come true and search for Gods plan, I decided that nothing else mattered as long as I am serving my Creator, nothing could be better.

So, what's life like now? Well I am one step away from being a RN and am doing everything possible to learn more about missions. I am so excited for that day when I will serve as a missionary nurse in a foreign country but for now I am going to serve where God as placed me......I have stopped trying to figure out the future and am just trying to enjoy the here and now and enjoy everyday the Lord as given me. I still hope to one day be married and have a family but I'm trying not to focus on that dream as much and joyfully accept whatever God has for me. For now I am just using everyday to get to know my God more and allow Him to captivate my heart.

Moving

I spent the last 2 days moving and now I am really tired! This was a unique move because I moved into 2 places, a new apartment and my dads. I signed a lease for an apartment with some friends and moved most of my stuff there however my current summer job is located near my dads house so I am staying with him until I find a job closer to my apartment, I'm looking for a nursing job so I can use that wonderful degree I worked so hard to get! I'm hoping to be fully living in my new apartment within a month, I've already applied for over 40 jobs! (I've got to get one of them, right?). I know that there is a great job out there for me, I'm just praying that it is sooner rather than later!

My summer job starts tomorrow so there was no time to relax. Thankfully tomorrow I don't have to go to work until 8am, all the other days I start at 5:30am! I know, I find it a little crazy too that I spend my summer waking up at 4:30am, its still dark when I leave for work but on the bright side I'm done every day at 2pm and have the afternnon to enjoy myself.

This summer will be so different, for starters I will be spending the next month or so studying up for the NCLEX, the state board nursing test to become a RN. Secondly, I won't have to return to classes in the fall. I don't think this as all sunk in yet!

Well, I am exhausted and still have a little more unpacking to do, although i'm trying to live out of boxes as much as possible so there will be little re-packing to do in the hopefully near future!

Change

Life is changing all the time whether we realize it or not. Sometimes the change is big and other times it may be too small for us to even notice. Yesterday I experienced a BIG change, I graduated from college! All my life I have been going to school, I've been a student. Now its all over, done, good bye school. I graduated with a BSN in nursing. I still have to take the NCLEX before I am a RN (Registered Nurse), right now I am a GN (Graduate Nurse). It still has fully sunk in yet that next year I won't be going to school.

I am currently searching for RN jobs, there are not too many available at this time in the area where I want to work. I have signed a lease for an apartment with 3 others girls who will be Juniors at Marian University. I prayed long and hard about whether or not this was the right choice. By signing a lease, I have commited myself to staying in the area. I am excited for the opportunites this will bring such as; living with my best friend, helping out with the college ministry and much, much more!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

This verse has given me much hope and much to look foward to as I begin a new chapter in my life. I am excited and scared for what lies ahead but I know one thing--- I will never go alone, God will always be with me, whatever I do.

Now that I no longer have school, I hope to be able to update this more often! So look for more updates!

Where I Belong

Your presence is all I am longing for
Here in the secret place
Your nearness is all I am waiting for
Here in the quiet place,
Here in the secret place
My soul waits for You alone
Like the watchmen wait for dawn
Here I’ve finally found the place
Where we’ll meet, Lord, face to face

I’ve finally found where I belong,
I’ve finally found where I belong in Your presence
I’ve finally found where I belong,
To be with You, to be with You

I am my Beloved’s and He is mine,
So come into Your garden and take delight in me
Take delight in me

Delight in me, delight in me
Delight in me, delight in me
Here in Your presence, God, I find my rest
Here in Your presence, God

I have just recently heard this song and discoverd Cory Asbury. This song really helps me get into a spirit of worship and just waiting on the Lord. There is so much truth to the line "I've finally found where I belong in Your presence." How amazing it is just to sit in the Lord's presence. That is the one place where I truely belong. The prayer of my heart is that God would delight in me, I want nothing more than to please my heavenly Father and live for Him. "I am my Beloved's and He is mine" Not only do I belong to God, but He is mine, He is and will always be there for me. There truely is rest and peace in God's presence and I pray that you would find this rest and peace because nothing can compare to it!

Aaron Lee Young

Today my nephew was born! My sister-in-laws water broke at 1:15am and she had a c-section around 6:15am, they had to wait for the morning surgical team to arrive, the night team had just left and the doctor felt it was safe to wait. He is 8.1 lbs. He is so beautiful and perfectly healthy! He is my second nephew, his old brother Daniel James Young is 2 years old. I love both my nephews so much! :)