Journal Entry

So I've never done this before and it is kind of scary but i am going to post an entry from today from my prayer journal. My journal is safe place where I write what I am truly thinking, I write it as a letter to God and most of the time would be terrified if anyone else saw what I have written.

Dear Father,

Wow! Today was absolutely horrible! I cried, a lot! What is wrong with me? Why am I so alone? Is it because you are jealous for me? Well, guess what!? You have my attention, now please just show me what to do!
What is total surrender and how do I do it? Does it mean laying down everything I want? Not
having dreams? I am scared of that, how will you know what I want? Does it mean never getting it?
Where has all of this confusion come from? Why do I feel like I know nothing and where do I get the answers? How do I become so consumed in You and drown out the world? Where are you leading me? Are you leading me or am I simply choosing to walk the other way? I don't like this distance I feel.
"Come back, my LOVE come back!"
Give me freedom! Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Free me from whatever is holding me captive. Help me to call sin, sin!

Love,

Valerie

PS. My mind tends to jump from thought to thought, sometimes with no connection at all!