2011... Here is to making it a GREAT year!

It is a new year and I am really looking forward to a New Year, it feels like a fresh start, oh doesn't that sound nice! I am going to be completely honest and say that my New Years really sucked! (I wish I could think of a nicer sounding word but I guess that will do.) I had to work from 2-10pm and that morning I really didn't feel that good, I ate a granola bar for lunch. Around 9pm I got a really bad headache which I attributed to the fact that I hadn't eaten much all day. I also had a sandwich for dinner but still not nearly as much as I normally eat. Around 9:45pm I started feeling really nauseous and really sick, I just wanted to get home because I knew what was going to happen .... I finally got home around 10:30pm and yup I got sick and the headache was still there. I laid down on my couch for a while and woke up to noise all around, I live in an apartment and woke up to my neighbors celebrated the New Year ..... I though Happy New Year, I am going back to bed. ( I was also home alone so no one to celebrate with. )

Yesterday I had lunch with  friend which was so wonderful because I have not seen her in months and we were roommates for 2 years in college and she was one of my really close friends. But I still felt sick the entire day, I hardly ate any of my lunch and had a bowl of Cheerios for dinner because it seemed like a safe option. Later during the night I was talking with my best friend via facebook. (got love facebook ...... lol). And just started pouring out to her what was going on, she knew about me being sick because this had been going on/off since October 2009. I have become very skilled in doing many things while being extremely nauseous. I also told her about her other things that I was going through and she really encouraged me and than I started crying out to God, and I mean literally crying out .... tears streaming down my face, but you know what? It felt so good because I don't really cry that much, it is so bad that sometimes I long to cry but no tears will come. (It may have something to do with the way I was raised, crying was not allowed.).

Any who, why am I sharing all of this with you? (whoever you are....). I don't want you to feel bad for me, I want to tell you what happened today because it is only about 1pm but today has already proven to be a great day. I went to church today and during worship there is always a time for prayer, you can go forward and have people pray for you. I don't usually take part in this, I just worship during that time but today was different. I plunged ahead and asked for prayer for my health, the pastor who prayed with me not only prayed for that but for things that I hadn't told him, things I had shared with my best friend and God the night before, like showing me where to go and just becoming consumed by God and more. I almost started crying again because the night before I was sort of mad at God because I felt so blocked from Him, like I couldn't hear him and I so badly wanted to know that He did, that He was listening and there was confirmation for me. I had also told by best friend about how I wanted more Christian friends to hang out with and be encouraged by/ encourage. By the time I left Church I had made plans for Tuesday and Wednesday to hang out with some Christian friends...... He is so faithful, Thank you God for today!

I am so excited for this New Year, to see what God will do through me and in my heart. I want so much more from Him, I desire to become more like Him. I also really want to go on a missions trip so we will see where He leads me..... So here is to making 2011 a GREAT year!

Thanks for reading whoever you are ..... there is just something about typing up what I feel and knowing that somewhere out there someone is reading it.

Birthday Celebration in Pictures...

Happy Birthday!

What is it about a birthday that just makes the whole day seem brighter? Today at 11:59am I turned 23 years old! Wow, where did the time go? Seriously!? While I don't always feel like I do a lot, I decided today to reflect on what I have done in my life. I graduated from high school with honors, I am a recent college graduate. As of July 1, 2010 I am a Registered Nurse. I am a daughter, a sister (older & younger), I am an auntie, a godmother, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend, and my favorite a child of God! While at times I question, what am I doing with my life? Where am I going? Today I will chose to think about all of the wonderful things that have happened in my life because it is so much better than looking at all the bad.

23 years ago I was born during the worst snow blizzard of the year! It was so bad that I was on the news! The headline "Although the mailman couldn't make it, the stork still could!" I love winter time and snow, this may have something to due with being a December baby. I also love this time of year where people are happier, they go out of their way to be nice to others that they wouldn't normally be nice to. I love Christmas music too! I love looking at all the Christmas lights and even the busyness of the stores. I love Christmas shopping and just watching how people get so excited because they get to give their loved ones something wonderful.

Although Jesus was probably not actually born on what we call Christmas day, I still love celebrating His birth! It is so much more than just a story of a baby in a manger! The Son of God came down to earth, to live as a man. He did this for you and me, because He loves us so much! Jesus knew He would die a painful death on the cross and be hated and persecuted by many but His love was so much greater than all that! Father, thank-you for sending your precious Son, Jesus to do what I could never do!

For my birthday my mother bought me this beautiful luggage, it is blue with pink Polk a dots! I simply love it! And I bet I won't have to worry about anyone having the same luggage as me! I desire to travel and see the world! I hope one day this will bring me to Africa, my dream is to bring the Good news to those there and help them practically with my nursing skills. Here is a picture of my luggage so you can enjoy it with me!

Somewhere between a rock and a hard place.....

I always found that to be an odd saying but lately I have felt like I live it. I have had to have some tough conversations lately with some people I really care about. I prayed heavily about the decisions I knew had to be made and trusted God that everything will be alright.

I have not been happy with my current living situation. (i.e. my roommates). It's not that I don't like my roommates because I do, they are all my friends and I don't want to lose that friendship but I knew that if I continued with the way things were going that friendship might be forever lost. I currently live with 3 other girls in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I share a room with my best friend Katie and we are great, no problems there. In fact we are most likely going to get a different apartment together when our current lease is up in May. The other two girls Abigail and Sarah share a room. Again let me stress I still care about these girls and value their friendship very much, I just can't live with them. I feel like I can't be me and that is a HUGE problem. I need to be free to invite friends over, talk about whatever I want to talk about and do what I want in the place where I live. Last Sunday night we had a roommate talk, there were tears and feelings were hurt. It was so hard but I knew I had to do it. I never want to have to go through that again. I am trusting in God to bring healing and peace to those relationships.

The other tough decision was related to the ministry that I am involved in. Campus ministry is the college ministry at Marian University. I was very actively involved in it though out my 4 years as a student at Marian, I was the vice-president my junior and senior year. I loved this ministry and it was my way of sharing my faith with others. Recently there have been a lot of battles with this ministry and my friend and I who are also working with Campus Crusade for Christ felt the need to step away from Campus ministry. It is so hard to let go of something I have held so dear to me. Campus Ministry is where I met my college friends and holds all my fondest memories of college. So in my stubbornness, I said no to God, I said you must be joking, how can I still witness to others and be effective for Your kingdom if I say goodbye to Campus Ministry. God reminded my that my ways are not His ways and that He really does know best. Next semester things will look different at how I reach out to students at Marian but I will still be reaching out to them. I am not walking away from my "mission field." Even though I graduated last May, I still feel like God has placed me here for this time to be a witness to the lost at Marian.

So basically what I am saying is that life has been rough lately and I am really looking forward to sometimes of refreshment. I am trusting and waiting for the next move.

Be still

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Sounds easy right? Wrong! Lately I feel like God has called me to just be still, just quiet my heart and listen to Him. It seems like it should be so easy....but I'm finding it to be sooo hard! I tell myself, "ok, I'm just going to sit here and be quiet and listen to whatever God wants to speak to me." That lasts for about 30 seconds if I'm lucky because I than find my mind think about something else...I couldn't even keep my focus for 30 seconds! Than I tell myself to think about nothing but than I am thinking about thinking about nothing! How I long to just be still before God....It's a good thing that God is patient because it is taking me a long time to learn how to be still!

Waiting on Him

Do you ever feel second best? Like your not good enough for people? No matter how much you try and try and try, it doesn't matter you simply fall short and aren't good enough. Do you ever feel like you are only good enough when you are with some one more "popular" ? When you are not with certain people than other people don't find you good enough to even talk to. Do you ever just wish that someone would notice you and just you?

I know that God loves me and cares for me. I also know that I have family and friends who love and care about me. So why does it matter so much that some people don't like me? Or that I don't have as many friends as I would like? As a child of God, I should be concerned with only one thing, and that one thing is God! He has the only opinion that should matter, right? So than why is it so hard when I see people around me flourishing and having tons of friends? I should be happy for them, right? I hate the flesh, why do I let it get to me? Sometimes I think we give in to our emotions and get too carried away with them. I'm trying not to let the opinions of this world get to me.....but it's not as easy as it sounds.

Again, I know that God has a plan for my life and whatever it is will be better than I could ever dream of. But how long do I have to wait? When will something amazing happen to me? (I'm starting to sound selfish again). Lately in my prayer life I have been throwing a lot of why questions at God, most of the time I don't even wait for Him to respond.....But he wants to. He longs to. I am His daughter, I need to listen to and respect my Father. Last night my prayer time went a little differently....instead of hurling a bunch of why questions at God, I thanked Him for what He has given me so far and just cried out to my Father who is always listening. And I listened for His response. Lets just say, I did a lot of apologizing and am allowing God to work on my broken heart. I know He never said it would be easy, but He did say I would never have to go alone.

Nephews

This little boy turned 3 years old

He loves Thomas the Train and his little brother!